let's make it last forever

my last blog is bullshit. who the fuck tells me that i'm deluded, not you for sure. you and your perfect little life. i don't think so. you can't even touch me anymore, i don't want you in my life, i'm much happier without you.

and on top of you being a wanker, my whole life is falling apart.

oh, life is great right now.
/sarcasm.

i need three things to keep me going right now. wait, make that four.
#1 music. #2 friends. #3 the internet. #4 drawing supplies.

i haven't drawn this much in ages. art is spilling out right now. it's not even natural.

i guess i'll update again soon.

bye, rose.

& i could really go for a cup of coffee and an overdose...

today is shit, yesterday was shit. i feel like my life is wasting away before my fucking eyes. it sucks. the only things i can do right now without wanting to kill someone is listen to music and draw shitty pictures. i've got nothing to look forward to. i'm selling my gig tickets. the money is needed elsewhere. i thought i'd see one of my best friends and my favourite band this year, but i'm not gonna. i haven't told her yet, maybe i can find a way to go in the end. i don't know.

i've got nothing to look forward to, nothing to keep me going to the end of the year. oh, apart from visiting charlie, that'll be a breath of fresh air, to have fun yah know. we're gonna dress up, take photos. then i'm going to see la roux again, taking jodie. that'll be okay. but other than that, nothing. and i know i'm ungreatful cause some people have less. but i feel like it's my turn to be happy you know, i was just starting to feel happy again and it's been pulled from under me again. it's bullshit, i've had my turn. i don't want to do it again.

fuck why am i even writing this. i don't even know.

"a twisted up frown
disguised as a smile, well
you would’ve never known"

going to see this in half an hour, excited much?
rose.

but you're already all of these things...

this girl here, i've known her around two years now. we met on bebo. she messaged me because she was going to see My Chemical Romance at Sheffield Arena, I was going too. We talked over bebo for a while, and myspace, letting each other know when the tickets had arrived etc. we began talking over msn, about how amazing My Chem were. I guess you could call it fangirling ;D
We both love them, we owed them so much, they helped us both through hard times and i have to admit, they still do. We planned to meet at the gig, but that fell though as we we're going through different doors. After that date, which was IMMENSE, we carried on talking, she was my best friend. i'd never had a friend like her, ever. we planned so many times to meet up, it always fell through. We grew out of My Chemical Romance and moved onto other bands and obsessed over other things, we suggested music/books to each other. Twilight was and is a big thing for us. Especially as we finally met up on the day the movie was released, Jayde came to scunthorpe and watched it with me and my friend Sydelle. it was amazing, not just the movie, to actually meet someone who's constantly been there for you for over a year, it was so surreal, from talking over msn to standing face to face. it was probably one of the most nerve-racking, amazingly awesome days of my entire life. it was that amazingly nerve-racking we didn't get any pictures together... i'd known her a year and still no picture together. so yeah, the second time we met, i went to grimsby to meet her and Steph. we had a starbucks and went shopping aaaand... finally got pictures!! she also bought me roses as it was close to valentines day, one was the colour of Hayley Williams' hair, i still have them in my room, along with my cinema ticket for twilight. third time i met her, SLAM DUNK FESTIVAL. the day before my birthday aka 23rd May 2009, Crimson and I travelled to Leeds to meet up with Jayde, Sofie and Raychel, who were already there. we camped in a 2 man tent, there was five of us. the next day it was my birthday and the best day of my life so far, there's no one i'd have rather spent that day with. we met gabe saporta, nate novarro, sean smith and josh fransexi together. i think the most memorable ones are gabe and josh though, jayde told gabe it was my birthday, i am forever thankful, he is the cutest man ever... not ever, sorry, ryland is. but the second cutest man ever. and josh, well jayde practically DIED in the presence of Josh, she was all ready to eat him. "he smelt delicious!" there, from Jayde's uh... fingers? (she typed it)
anyway, to wrap this up. Jayde is the most amazing friend i've ever had, she's been there for me through pretty much everything, she's my penpal, my gerard and my alice all in one. i really do not know what i'd do without her. i hate when we don't talk for a few weeks at a time, but it makes it even awesome-er when we talk again. i'm glad i have someone to fangirl over rpattz/twilight/paramore with, otherwise i'd have to bottle it all up and that would be incredibly bad for my health.
seriously, there is no one like you, i love you!

one more picture, 'cause it's fucking weird.
i have no idea what i am doing, but jayde is looking at my like "wtf."

awesome.

rose <3

& i know you don't...

so i haven't posted in over a month!
maybe because nothing interesting has really happened... i'm gonna make a vow to myself to update this more. seriously, i promise i will update it like at least once a week.

not that anyone really cares but yah know!

rose <3

here's a crappy picture from my phone of katy perry for you!